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All reviews - Movies (44) - TV Shows (21) - DVDs (1) - Books (6) - Music (16) - Games (15)

OMG, Polka Dots, Teenage Angst and Panic

Posted : 12 years, 9 months ago on 10 February 2008 08:04 (A review of A Fever You Can't Sweat Out)

This album, like the band..has as much staying power as a Shanty Town in a hurricane.

Every song has the same droning sound to it, they are identical. Electric guitars play the same repetative rift; while someone accompanies on drums and sings in a generic, american emo band manner.

This whole album might aswell be one song.


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The console that raised me.

Posted : 12 years, 10 months ago on 12 January 2008 02:52 (A review of Sega Genesis/Mega Drive)

I'd kill a man and eat his flesh to get my old Mega Drive back.

Cool spot, Sonic, Streets of Rage, Street Fighter, ToeJam and Earl, James Pond..to name but a few. Each spent more time with me than my mum or day..through my choice I assure you. If you didnt own this console, god bless you. For all those who did 'Up,Down,Left,Right, A,B,C!!' to you all.


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The necrotizing fasciitis of movies

Posted : 12 years, 10 months ago on 12 January 2008 02:45 (A review of Honey)

I saw this film for FREE and I still want my money back. A desperate usher outide the cinema gave me and a friend entrance to watch a new 'movie' and deliver feeback. If my mouth hadn't been so dry from biting the seat in front, in an effort not to chew off my own tongue..I'd have spat on the page as feedback.

Feisty ghetto gal (Alba) gets the kids to dance instead of shoot each other. The dance sequences could have seen behind Kylie on any generic pop show...and you wouldnt have to pay. A festering hole in cinema that was so bad, I think it gave me small pox.


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I, Claudius Review

Posted : 12 years, 10 months ago on 12 January 2008 02:06 (A review of I, Claudius)

Watching I, Claudius today...Initially feels a little dated. Initially. Give it five minutes and you are totally sucked in.

Some amazing performances are given by Brian Blessed and Derek Jacobi...However I really believe that John Hurt's portrayal of Gaius Caligula is one of the greatest examples of character acting in the last century. Caligula, an already facinating figure is perfected by Hurt, portrayed as both a bloody tyrant and a lovable rogue. It's just a joy to watch.

Although some of Robert Grave's narrative is changed, it remains the same in essentials. A definite for any intelligent person who can maintain focus even without the presence of breasts or Adam Sandler (although the two are arguably the same). Plus a great story for anyone who cannot be bothered to read the book


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Totally worth it

Posted : 12 years, 10 months ago on 10 January 2008 12:49 (A review of Rome: Total War)

Of the few games I have ever completed without cheating, this is one of them. Why? Because it makes you want to play it properly.

The graphics and AI in this game are astounding. At the more difficult levels of game play, the computer's armies seem to actually have a master tactician on their side. Even out of battle this game is amazing. For those who are into strategy more than battle, battles can be automatically resolved whilst still on the map.

The personal characteristics of your generals changes everything in this game from the finances of your towns to the morale of your men. My general Gaias the Lewd had to be sent on a suicide mission, he was no good for anyone. This is the ultimate of strategy games.


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Production line stuff

Posted : 12 years, 11 months ago on 22 December 2007 01:48 (A review of Open Season)

Not bad. But really just another attempt to cash in on the anthropomorphic craze thatโ€™s blighting cinema. The characters are shallow and the plot line has been done before a million times, looking for home but realising; you've been there all along. End this now, The Wild, Over the Hedge, Surfs Up all carbon copies with an unoriginal, factory produced feel about them.


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Tisn't

Posted : 12 years, 11 months ago on 21 December 2007 02:57 (A review of 'Tis)

I read this unabridge book from cover to cover, after the great piece of work that was 'Angelas Ashes', I owed McCourt the benefit of the doubt.

But Jesus, Mary and Joseph this was monotamous tripe. I can sum the entirity of this book up in two sentances, which can be repeated 40,000 times for the length of it. "I was stupid and poor and my shoes were made of mud. Me mam didn't love me, America is confusing, I'm so, so Irish". No other points were made in this bible length book. It is no more than the inane ravings of a mad man. I know I wont be popular in this opinion.

I also felt that the childish style of writing was concerning and out of place in the memoirs of his later life, what I thought was a stylistic approach to mirror his childhood, seemed actually to be a genuinely flawed and restricted method of storytelling.


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Devils Advocate

Posted : 12 years, 11 months ago on 21 December 2007 02:26 (A review of Brassed Off)

I'm going to disagree entirely with my esteemed friend below. This is not another generic 'ard times' film...God knows Frank McCourt has cornered the market on that.

The 'band' part of the film is not a 'hilarious' result of desperate poverty, but a light hearted parrallel to the grim social realtist portrayal of Thatcher's New Right Britain.

The characters in this film are genuine to the core, Stephen Tompkinson rips you apart with superb acting that cant help but move you to tears. But rather than bog you down with the poverty and mass unemployment that dogged the times, there are frequent moments of comic relief that embody the 'muck on' attitude which every Brit should be proud of.


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So Disappointing

Posted : 12 years, 11 months ago on 19 December 2007 12:31 (A review of Valiant)

This film had so much potential, the concept is fantastic, the animation was superb, but sadly the writing was an unfunny and shallow as a puddle of dishwater.

Ricky Gervais proved to us all that he is not a comic, but a comic actor and could do nothing funny with the Christmas cracker jokes the writing team threw at him.

The main character of Valiant, played by Ewan McGregor was boring, impassionate and..again, unfunny. I wanted desperately to like Valiant; the brave war hero, but every fibre of me wanted to see him shot from the sky and eaten by the SS. The main character seemed just too young and innocent, nobody wants to see that in a war film, which 'Valiant' essentially is.

Itโ€™s great to see all the best of British put into this film, Hugh Laurie, John Cleese, Jim Broadbent, John Hurt and Tim Curry. If they'd all sat in a room and TALKED about the war it would have made a better film.

War movies in particular need to have a set of interesting and likeable main characters. Most notably to make you want them to succeed. With two Geordie imbeciles, a fetted coward, a sheltered child and effeminate Lord, who cares if they live or die?


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National Debt, Pestilance and Plague.

Posted : 13 years ago on 16 November 2007 01:39 (A review of National Treasure)

What utter drivel! The DVDs should be collected and thrown into the sea. My time could have been better spent putting needles in my eyes.

This movie has the most far fetched and ridiculous plot ever concocted. The Cage/Kruger love interest is tenious at best and the psuedo science/theology spewed by Nic Cage is laughable. Sean Bean is the only notable addition to this film, in which Bean somehow avoids being dragged down by the raging black hole that is Nicolas Cage.

I only watched the entire film in the vain hope that the ending would be interesting..I was dissapointed. Like a 5mph Roller Coaster, this film is pointless and nothing like it promises to be. A poor man's DaVinci Code.


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